Left behind

Emmett is such a laid back baby, just the perfect addition to our family. Given that momma and big sister are a little obsessive compulsive now we are more balanced. He always has the biggest smile on his face and rarely cries except...when he thinks he's been left behind. 

This kid's biggest worry in life is being left behind. He hates when you walk into another room without him, will give the loudest shriek when you walk away, and one time started freaking out and crying when being pushed in a stroller cause he couldn't see anyone familiar. 

He already loves his big sister so much that he does everything in his powers to keep up. When he sees her, he starts flapping his arms and legs as if he's trying to propel himself towards her. He loves to sit up and stand cause it gives him the best view of everyone. 

I don't think we have very long before this kid starts getting really mobile. He already rolls and scoots to objects he's really curious about. And he's lifting his whole body off the ground with more and more ease. This kid refuses to be left behind. He has places to go, people to see, and things to do. 

Tell me how you feel

Words are a very powerful thing. It can be uplifting but also very hurtful. Being bilingual, I am always so fascinated with how phrases translated in one language into another can lose depth, meaning, and feelings. It may be the right word but the wrong meaning.  

I think one of the hardest things for both adults and children to do is describe their feelings. How do you convey your feelings?  EV really struggles with describing her thoughts and feelings. Part of it is because she's four but part of it is her personality. She can be so happy or so upset and when I ask her why, she says "I don't know!!"  I push her to try and use the words she has to tell me why. 

It's not just feelings she has a hard time with but her thoughts or just her day. She recently started refusing to wear her jacket and I asked her why. She said "I don't like it."  I told her, "if it's just because you don't like it, then there's nothing I can do, so you just have to wear it.  But if you tell me why then maybe we can do something to fix it."  She thought about it and then said, "it's uncomfortable."  So, I asked her, "what makes it uncomfortable?"  She said, "I don't know."  Again I said, "then there's nothing I can do to help and you'll just have to wear it."  She thought some more and said, "the hood chokes me when it's zipped up and it makes it uncomfortable when I play."  I said, "okay, that's fair and unfortunately the hood is not detachable so I looked into getting her a jacket without a hood."

That process was not only difficult for EV but it was uncomfortable. She was twisting and turning and never looked me in the eyes while talking. But I'm hoping that these efforts will help her to be a better communicator with those around her. It will allow her to not only let others know how she feels but also let her reflect inwardly to better understand why she feels a certain way. And I hope that as she is more able to look inwardly that she is able to become a stronger and more grounded person. 

It's never easy telling someone how you feel. But it's also very freeing to be able to express your thoughts and feelings. I want EV and Emmett to know that they can always talk to Jimmy and myself. That we will always listen to them and love them. 

They are both so expressive with their faces!!

Tree Farm

I wanted to go to a tree farm to pick out our tree this year.  It's something I've been wanting to do the last couple of years.  I know I've mentioned in the past how I want to have family traditions that the kids will remember and even pass down to their own kids.  So, the day after Thanksgiving, we got dressed up (in hopes to get some good pictures) and headed to the tree farm.  As we drove up we talked about our favorite part of thanksgiving.  It made my heart so glad to hear everyone's laughter fill the van.

When we got to the farm, it was very picturesque.  There were farm animals, a nice lake, with the backdrop of Christmas trees in perfect little rows.  We attempted to get a few family pictures with the help of our tripod, then were on a mission to find the right tree.  It felt like Goldilocks, the tree was too tall, or too bare, or too trimmed.  Then we found the right tree, a tree that wasn't perfect but had some character, a tree that looked like our family.  So, Jimmy got down and sawed it down.  After we got the tree on top of our car, we went for a hayride, watched the farm animals, and roasted some marshmallows.  It was a lot of fun!

When we got home, the kiddos took an afternoon nap, and when they woke up we decorated the tree together with Christmas music filling the air.  We had Thanksgiving balls for dinner and the smell of sweet pine filled the house.  These are the memories I want to savor and makes me wish time would pass just a little slower so that I can hold onto these moments.

Best Buddies

One of the many reasons we wanted a second child is so that EV would not be alone.  We were perfectly happy with our one beautiful little girl but our family just did not feel complete.  In addition, EV would always ask for a little sibling, okay fine, a little sister.  She would say "my other friends have little sisters and brothers" can I have one too?  Then she started praying for one.  But it wasn't as easy as she had hoped and required a fair amount of waiting.  When we found out we were having a second, we were ecstatic!  Then we found out we were having a boy and had no idea how we would break this news to EV, but we were grateful when she wasn't disappointed or upset.  And felt such a sigh of relief and joy when we saw her getting excited for the arrival of her baby brother.

We all eagerly anticipated the birth of this baby and I think EV's expectation was let down the most.  Say what?! The baby can't play with me and do all the things I dreamed he would do?  All he is going to do is eat, sleep, and take away my precious time with mommy??  Oh yeah, the first three months were tough on everyone, especially EV.  Our precocious, independent, sassy little 4 year old became a whining, needy, baby herself.  Then one day, EV walks into a room and Emmett flashes her the biggest smile ever and everything changes.

EV starts to acknowledge her little brother, she sings to him, dances for him, plays with him.  If he drops a toy, she picks it up for him.  If he drools, she gets his burp cloth to wipe his mouth for him.  If he cries, she goes over and comforts him.  She's also back to her normal self, she's able to play by herself again, she's less whiny and needy, and she's back to doing everything by herself again. 

It warms my heart to see these two get to know each other.  I know they will have their fair amount of arguing and fighting (especially the day Emmett stands up to his sister and doesn't do what she tells him to do).  But I pray that even in those moments, they will grow closer to one another and become the best of buddies.  EV calls Emmett her baby (primarily because she doesn't want to acknowledge that I am his momma) and says that when she grows up she's going to marry Emmett.  I know that it was not instantaneous but I love that she is loving her brother a little more every day. 

Baby boy

I never thought I would love having a little boy.  My family is all girls and I've only really been around girl babies.  Plus, after having such a difficult pregnancy, I was sure to resent the little boy growing in my belly.  But let me tell you, I LOVE my little baby boy!

My love for Emmett is different than my love for EV.  EV is my pride and joy.  She's a reflection of who I am and everyday I am amazed at how loving, graceful, passionate, considerate, thoughtful, and smart she is.  Emmett is my heart.  He makes my heart melt and I become putty when I'm around him.  He makes me feel at ease and I feel like he just gets me.  He doesn't have to say anything, he just puts his head on my chest and everything is okay.  He thinks everything is funny and it makes all your troubles go away. 

At five months, he loves to be a part of the family.  He sits with us during mealtime and drools away.  He's chatty, always has something to say from the moment he wakes up to the moment he falls back asleep.  He also loves his sleep (EV wakes up at 5am while Emmett sleeps till 8am or until we wake him up).  He loves holding his hands together and trying to get them both into his mouth.  He's a thumb-sucker.  The moment you lay him on his back he rolls to his tummy cause he wants to see what's going on.  He loves weird and loud noises, being tickled, and startled.  EV was roaring at him with a dinosaur mask on and he thought it was the funniest thing.  He loves his sister.  His eyes widen and the biggest smile comes across his face when she enters the room.  He doesn't want to miss a thing and unless he's really hungry can't be bothered with eating or being changed.  He likes to grab hair, shirts, necklaces, skin, pretty much anything he can get his little hands around.  But the sweetest moments are when I'm nursing him and he is grasping my finger.  Yes, I hold his little hand while I nurse him. 

Emmett, thank you for being our little boy.  Grandma calls you a little angel and I completely agree.  We are so blessed to have you in our lives and are so thankful to call you our own.  I look forward to every new discovery and adventure with you.  We love you, sweet boy!

Pumping and Traveling

Last week I went on my first work trip since the baby's been born.  Originally, I was planning on just pumping and dumping but a co-worker gave me some great tips on how I can save my milk.  So, I thought I would pass along some tips.

1.  Preparation is key.  Take a cooler, the kind you can fold, so you can pack into your suitcase when heading to your destination.  Take tons of ziplock bags (I'll explain why later).  Take hand sanitizer.  And of course take your pump, your bottles, an ice pack, and your milkbags.

2.  When you arrive at the hotel.  If you can book a room with a kitchenette that has a fridge with a freezer is best.  You can also ask for a mini fridge but those don't always have freezers and depending on how much milk you need to freeze may not be big enough.  I was supposed to get a suite with a kitchenette but they put me in a regular room.  So, I told them I needed to freeze my milk and they let me use the hotel freezer.

3.  Here's where the ziplock bags come in handy.  I placed 2-3 milkbags into a sandwich ziplock bag then put the sandwich bag into a gallon ziplock.  I labeled everything and then placed a piece of paper into the gallon bag with my information (you know just in case my milk gets lost somehow).

4.  Sanitize your bottles.  Again, if you are in a room with a kitchenette you can sanitize your bottles on the stove or using the microwave but if you're in a regular hotel room then usually the hot water doesn't get hot enough.  So I used the coffee maker to boil my water and poured it over my bottles and pump pieces.

5. Coming home.  I placed my frozen bags into the cooler I packed with me and carried it through security.  I placed them in the cooler at 8am and got home at 4pm and they were still frozen.

Elsa and Olaf

I have been a little lax with my no TV rule with EV.  That doesn't mean we let her go to town with it, but we do let her get about an hours worth of screen time a week.  I've also been lax with movies.  I myself enjoy a good movie and I don't want to deprive EV completely.  So, I've given into this whole Frozen obsession.  She's now seen the movie, gone to see Frozen on Ice, and has Frozen paraphernalia.  So when EV said she wanted to be Elsa for Halloween, I said okay and started looking at possible ways to make her an Elsa dress.  Although EV was insistent that Emmett be Anna, I did have to put my foot down and gently suggest to her that he may be a better Olaf than an Anna. 

Making an Elsa dress was hard and I was ready to cut a vein doing it, but I'm really happy with how it turned out. [Although through this experience I do not think I am capable of making a homecoming or prom dress or at least anything that has a sweetheart neckline].  I had an "angel" costume that I sewed the Elsa dress on top of and it turned out really nicely.  I love making their costumes and clothes because I get to put a little of myself into it.  I also find tremendous satisfaction in her joy when I create something new for her.  Although I haven't been able to sew as much since Emmett's been born, it still is something I hope to keep up as much as I can.

So, I would like to now introduce to you, Elsa and Olaf.  [Please ignore the fact that the Olaf hat is a little too small on Emmett's big head, I swear I measured before I ordered].

EV's first crush

I can't believe she's only 4 years old and she already has her first crush.  His name is Byron.  He goes to EV's school and wears a gold chain.  She giggles every time she talks about him.  I asked her what she likes about him and she says she just does.  I asked her if he's smart and she giggles then says "no."  I ask her if he's good-looking and she giggles again then shrugs.  I ask her if he's funny and she giggles then says "yes."  

Jimmy made a comment about how he wasn't expecting this until EV was 14.  EV gasps and says, "Byron's cubby number is 14!!"  Oh boy!!

A few weeks ago, Jimmy got the opportunity to meet this kid Byron.  EV went up to him to say bye and he ignored her.  He wouldn't even look her way.  I asked EV if she still liked him even though he isn't very nice to her and she said "yes."

Then this week she confronted him.  She said she asked him "why are you shutting me out?" but he never responded.  She said she was sad but later that day he played with her and that made her happy. 

I tell you, I have no idea how to handle this situation and so all I do is talk to her and try to understand her feelings and why she feels the way she does.  It's actually more amusing to me than anything.  She's so young and she can't really articulate her feelings but she has these feelings and they just make her giggle.  I know that this is the first of many crushes she will have and I just hope that as she gets older, we will have the wisdom and patience to deal with all the drama that will come with it.  But most importantly, I hope that she will feel secure in not only sharing her feelings with us but know that she is special and loved no matter what some boy says or does not say to her.  I want her to be confident in who she is in Christ.

I have asked EV repeatedly to stop growing up, to be my baby forever, but she refuses.  It's not easy being a parent.

And now we are four

Yes, it has been 6 months since my last post. I guess that's how long it has taken me to finally get into a good routine. It's Saturday afternoon and both kiddos are taking a nap while jimmy is running an errand. I feel blessed, my heart is at peace. 

It's been so long since I have last written a post. And like many things the longer time passes, it gets harder to get back into it.  But then I remembered why I started in the first place, because I wanted my kids to read about their childhood and to keep my friends and family connected. So, I'm back, for now. 

In all honesty, I thought having a baby would be easy. I've done it once, EV is older and mature for her age, and I have a lot of help. But the most challenging parts have been the most unexpected. Emmett had health issues--in hindsight none of them were major but it was draining emotionally and mentally, nonetheless. Thankfully his health issues have resolved and he's doing really well. Second, EV has been really jealous and has struggled a lot with going from being an only child for four years to sharing us with the baby. She's digressed and acts really whiny and wants everything done for her. My spunky, independent, always smiling little girl has been replaced by a whiny, moody, clingy little girl. Throughout the day I never know how she will react.  Maybe this is just a glimpse of what the teenage years will be like. Last, going back to work has been challenging. My brain does not seem to function the way it used to. I'm forgetful and I feel like I'm always two steps behind. 

The last 6 months has been about trial and error, transitions, and finding balance. Not only do we have a new baby, but EV started preschool at a new school and goes 5 days a week, I'm back at work busier than ever and even getting ready to start traveling again. We have our bad days and our good days, but I in the midst of it all I have been feeling grateful and blessed. 

I love watching EV and Emmett getting to know each other.  I love discovering new personality traits in EV that I never knew about that Emmett brings out in her (good and bad). I love seeing Emmett's face light up when he sees his big sister.  And everyday I look forward to seeing the new things EV and Emmett will learn. 

Disconnet to Reconnect

There was recently an article on NPR about when parents are too distracted by their devices and it really convicted me.  When EV was first born, I noticed how our lives were so dictated by what TV show was on that day and after discussing with Jimmy we made the decision to get rid of our TV.  Since then, we have gotten comfortable again or should I say distracted.  Like the article, there are times when I see myself telling EV to hold on or not engaging her just so I can answer a text message, look at my email, peruse Facebook, or keep up with the latest Instagram photo.  And get this, I'm not even keeping up with my friends, it's to keep up with all the small business or moms group that I follow.  I complain that I don't have enough time with EV and Emmett but I seem to find the time to keep up-to-date with all my social media.  I get anxious if I don't answer a text or an email within the hour I get it (yes, this is a problem I have at work as well) and I have become glued to my phone to the point where I sleep with it in my bed.  I also don't want to teach EV and Emmett that it's okay to be consumed by these devices or that my text messaging is more important than her.

This is all to say that I feel convicted to disconnect from my devices, so that I can reconnect with my family. 

What does this mean?  I vow to:

1.  Put away my phone and not look at it until after EV and Emmett is down for bed and asleep.  If you call or text between the hours of 5 and 8, I will not respond. 
2.  During the week, not check Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or any other social media.  And on the weekends, I will only check these social media outlets while EV is napping or in the evenings after she is asleep.
3.  Now this is more for me in general and will be really really hard.  Limit my Korean drama watching to one show a evening at the most.

So, there you have it everyone.  My time is limited and precious.  I do not want to waste it away on media devices.  I want to maximize my time with my family and if by putting away my devices I can spend an extra 30 mins hanging out with EV or an extra 30 mins having a conversation with my husband--that is priceless.

Pretend Play

Let me just tell you--I suck at pretend play.  I hate coming up with stories; I don't have the greatest imagination; and I don't have the energy to jump, roar, or be animated in any way.  But here's the problem, EV LOVES pretend play.  One of the first things she asks when she wakes up is if she can play in her room, and she'll play with her little figurines and stuffed animals by herself for nearly an hour (or until she can't hold off on morning hunger anymore).  If you look in her playroom or her bedroom, there are these mini-vingnettes set up everywhere.  Some of her animals have tea set up before them, some of them are laying in boxes getting ready for bed, some scenerio for everyone.  And she takes every item in the house to use as props (no towel, hair tie, domino, board game pieces are safe).  So, as you can imagine, our house becomes an absolute mess but in her eyes they are all set up for a particular scenario. 

I have no problem with her playing pretend by herself.  It's also amusing to watch her and Jimmy play because he can really get into it and EV loves it.  But, I hate it and I feel absolutely guilty for hating it.  I try and try but after about 5 minutes, I can't think of anything new.  My stories are the same and I just get tired of having every stuffed animal doing the same ballet routine or every little princess figurine doing a special song for the stage.  I would much rather do something more practical or read her a book or talk about our day or even do a craft. 

Today was a rainy day so we decided to "play" with one of EV's birthday gifts called Shrinky Dinks. Let me tell you, this is one of the most genius crafts. EV spent hours coloring her shrinky dink fairies, flowers, gnomes, animals. Then we spent hours setting up the forest. Then we watched them shrink in the oven. I was able to spend hours with her putting everything together and even coming up with a couple stories. She was so into it that she didn't care when I wanted to stop "playing" and Jimmy was able to easily pick up where I left off.  It was the perfect compromise between crafting and pretend play.  Thank you Eunice and Eileen for this amazing craft/pretend gift.

If anybody has any other good pretend play ideas, please pass them along to me.  I know I'm not going to be good at everything that EV likes to do but I feel bad for never wanting to do the one thing she ALWAYS wants to do.  I already have enough momma guilt for feeling like I don't spend enough time with her.  So, I am grateful for days like today when I can enjoy the time I am spending with her. 

Now that I'm 4 does that mean I'm a grown-up?

I cannot believe that my baby girl is already 4 years old.  She's so anxious to hurry up and grow up but I want her to slow down and enjoy every moment.  It's amazing how much she's like me.  I remember wanting to grow-up fast, to be independent, and "live my life."  Here's what I wish someone said to me:

"Shin Young, you are going to have the majority of your life to be an adult, where you will be responsible for not only yourself but for those around you.  Growing up doesn't mean living your life, but in many ways it means losing your freedom.  Don't get me wrong, being a grown up definitely has its perks, like not having a curfew or making your own choices.  But even when you can sleep whenever you want, you find yourself sleeping early cause you have to wake up early to go to work and get your family ready for the day.  And even though you can make your own choices, you are always weighing all the consequences and sometimes those choices feel heavy and hard.  Shin Young, I want you to enjoy your childhood and your youth.  I want you to take chances, seek adventure, and pursue your dreams.  Adulthood, responsibility, independence will be there when you're ready for it so take your time getting there.  It's okay to make mistakes, learn from them, and to become stronger as a result.  We will always be here for you, supporting you, loving you, and helping you along the way.  We love you!"

So, whenever EV says she can't wait to grow-up, those are the words I am going to say to her. 

The last 4 years has been such an amazing blessing.  Evangeline, you light up our world.  You are one of the funniest, sweetest, most stubborn, smartest, fun-loving, precocious little girl I know.  You challenge me everyday and remind me of God's love and grace.  I am so thankful for who you are and the little girl you are becoming. I always thought you were just a strong-willed and stubborn toddler that only wanted things your way, but these days you have been showing yourself to be sensitive, loving, and compassionate.  I look forward to seeing how you grow and mature, especially as you become an older sister.  Words cannot describe how much we love you and how much we cherish every moment we get with you.  No, no, no, no, no, I LOVE YOU!!!

The Circus

Last winter we went up to spend Christmas with Jimmy's family in Maryland and decided to make a trip up to NYC while we were up there.  We went to the Big Apple Circus and it was so much fun to see EV just mesmorized.  Unfortunately, she didn't seem to remember much from the trip so when we found out that the Big Apple Circus would be in Atlanta, we bought tickets immediately.  I am so glad we went!  First off, it was last Friday after all the snow frenzy so it was just nice to get out of the house.  Second, we had the best seats--second section, first row. Not only were we able to see everything but we were part of the show!  Jimmy got to throw the clowns hat onto his head and EV got a balloon heart made for her. That's what I love about this circus, it's intimate and they engage their audience.  We could literally reach out our hands and touch the horses and dogs if we wanted.  I love how we were all laughing one moment and on the edge of our seats the next. And most of all I loved glimpsing over at EV and seeing her eyes wide with wonder and curiosity. 

All in all, it was a lot of fun and we are hoping to make this a Kim Family Tradition.