Bronchiolitis

After having a runny nose for a week and a half (during the snow storm), and an occasional cough the last week, you started wheezing today.  At first I thought you were getting congested again but after I cleaned out your nose, it was obvious that you were having difficulty breathing.  I called the Pediatrician's office and they sent us to an urgent care center.  The doctor immediately saw that you were wheezing and after checking you out, said that you had bronchiolitis.  I had no idea what that really meant, but all of a sudden I had a rush of guilt.  Did I cause this?  Should I have brought you in earlier?  Were you in extreme pain? Did I expose other kids to something contagious?

They gave you an oxygen breathing treatment and some steroids for the inflammation in the lungs.  You also got an inhaler for the rest of the week.  Unfortunately, all these things can only decrease the symptoms but there is nothing they can give you to make it go away.  It's supposed to improve on its own.  Although you are in terrible discomfort, thankfully it's not anything I could have predicted with your cold, they probably wouldn't have been able to do anything for you if I brought you in earlier or have prevented this from happening, and bronchiolitis is not contagious.

That's all to say that in the last two weeks, other than having a drippy nose and an occasional cough, you showed no signs of discomfort or pain.  It wasn't until today that you complained and even today, the only thing that was really evident was that you were not eating how you normally eat or after playing you would get easily tired.  You would even come crawling into my lap, rest your head, and then get back up to play.  Then you started wheezing.  That's when I knew that something was wrong and my heart started pounding in my throat.  EV, I know I said this before, but please don't hold in your pain.  Let momma know.  It hurts me so deeply to know that you are in such discomfort!!  You are the bravest baby I know.  I love you!

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

What a gorgeous day today!  After being cooped up in the house and getting chapped in the face from the cold, we had a very nice, warm, relaxing day at the park today.  EV all your life you have hated the sun, grass, swings, and most things associated with the outdoors.  But today was different; you actually enjoyed yourself.  You were having fun watching all the kids, you didn't mind the swing or the sun, and you even touched the grass (although you refused to touch it again after the first time).  You also took your first steps at the park today!!!!  You were standing and then took two unassisted steps to get to daddy.  I am so looking forward to spring and summer!

Where is baby's belly button?

EV said her first word outside of "umma" and "appa"today right before bed--you said "baby" three times!!!  There is this book you absolutely adore called Where is Baby's Belly Button? In the book it asks, "where are baby's eyes?" and then you pull a flap and it says, "under her hat!" Or "where is baby's nose?" and you pull the flap and it says, "behind the cup!"  We read this book over and over again like most of your other books, you know exactly what flaps to pull and you always point to the baby.  Well this time, I asked, "where is baby's nose?" you looked up at me and at first it sounded like you said "baba" so I thought you were saying "appa" and so I said, "he's at work but you'll see him in the morning."  Next page, "where are baby's feet?"  You pulled the tab, pointed to the baby, looked up at me and said very clearly, "baby."  *In shock* I said, where's the baby?  And again, you pointed to the baby and said "baby."  Turned the page and again you said, "baby."  At this point I'm so excited that I can't contain myself, "where's the baby? EV, where's the baby? EV can you say baby?"  You are annoyed with me and move on to your next book.  I missed my photo opportunity because I wanted to hear you say "baby" one more time but here is a photo of your bent up book.  Momma is so proud of you little one!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Don't get me wrong, I think EV is the most beautiful baby in the world, but that's the thing, I thought I would be the type of momma that tells it like it is.  I would be able to look at my baby and acknowledge the flaws but love her regardless.  Apparently, I'm the type of momma that sees beauty and none of the flaws.  Not to say that EV has flaws, but as I was looking through old photos and videos of when EV was around 2-3 months old, I was so amazed at how chunky she was looking.  She was so tiny when she was born and I knew she got chubby pretty quickly but she was looking like a different baby in these photos.  So, I went to show Jimmy, and at first he says, "whoa, whose baby is that" then he says, "yeah, she was a chubby baby."  I thought to myself, "I can't believe she was that chubby, I never saw it at the time."  So, I asked Jimmy, "is she still chubby?"  And he says, "she's thinned out a lot but she's still chubby."  I know she's got some meat on her bones, but when I look at her I don't see chubby, I see the most beautiful baby in the world.  Every time I look at her I'm amazed at how beautiful she is, I can't believe she's mine, and I fall in love with her all over again.  Oh my, I'm one of those mommas!!  Jimmy says, "maybe that's why my parent's let me let go with my weight [because they didn't see chubby]."  I hope I'm not this disillusioned when it comes to her behavior or her abilities.

EV (3.5 months):

My dreamy date

Sometimes it's so hard to remember what life was like before having EV.  Our weeks, days, hours, minutes are so consumed by the baby's schedule and we really wouldn't have it any other way.  Well, a friend insisted that she watches EV so that Jimmy and I can go on a date.  We've gone to the movies twice since EV's been born and have not had any real alone time otherwise.  We were very very grateful for the opportunity to have an afternoon alone together.  Jimmy even sent me an email of all that we could do on our day alone together.  So, we packed up EV's things, dropped her off, and away we go on our first day trip date.  We decided to take a drive up to Dawsonville, check out the outlets, walk around, and just spend time together.  As we were there, we kept on looking around thinking we lost EV.  All I see around me are little babies and couldn't help but wish EV was there with me.  After about two hours of wandering around, Jimmy and I both had a hankering for something sweet.  So, we went to go look for a bakery.  Jimmy knew of a donut place nearby but when we got there they were closed and of  course that just made me want something sweet even more.  So, that's what we did the next hour, look for a nearby bakery.  It's amazing how few bakeries there are around here.  We didn't know what else to do and we were missing EV, so we headed back home.  That's when we found a bakery, stopped by, picked up some sweets for us and our friends, and picked EV up.  We had a good day and it seems like EV had a good day, too.  I never thought it would be so hard to keep ourselves busy without our daughter, but it was important for us to spend time together and I wouldn't have picked anyone else to spend my day with other than my dreamy hubby, Jimmy.  I love you, sweetheart; you made my day today, even if it wasn't what we imagined.

This is the picture sent to me while on my date. EV fast asleep:

"Why can't you be more like EV?"

This is what grandpapa said to grandmomma when she stubbed her toe.  EV, you are one of the most stoic babies I have ever met.  Pain does not seem to bother you. When you were a newborn (only a few days old) we had to take you into the hospital a couple times to draw blood.  The first time was a heel prick to check for jaundice and the nurse warned us that babies cry and scream.  You just sat there staring at us, unphased.  The next time was a little more serious (you had an abnormal metabolic screen) and they had to draw blood from your arm.  They tied the rubber band around your tiny tiny little arm and stuck the big needle in, and again, you just stared at us, unphased.  You have had two colds up until now and if we didn't get sick from you, we would never have known how miserable you really felt, because you play, eat, and sleep as if everything was just right.  You never complain, whine, or show any discomfort.  For a little while I even thought you had a disorder where you did not feel pain but thankfully you gave a big cry when they stuck you with three needles to get vaccinated.  You did not cry long but I was relieved that you felt pain.  Sweetheart, you are going to experience so much as you grow up, both good and bad.  I want you to talk to us about it all.  You do not need to hold it in, you do not need to be a hero.  We are always here for you and even more importantly God is here for you.

Gina eemo bought these cute hairbows for you today.  Pic 1--you are reading your current favorite book.  Pic 2--you are helping momma clean up:

Communication

Happy 10 months my precious baby girl!  I cannot believe how much you've grown, and although a part of me is excited to see all the new things you will continue to do, a part of me wants you to stay just the way you are.  It's amazing how much I've learned about communication since becoming a parent, both verbal and non-verbal.  Although EV only verbally says umma and appa, you communicate so much through your eyes, hand gestures, points, shouts (you "ah ah" really loudly when you want something done now), grunts, sighs, signs, and other body movements to show your satisfaction or dissatisfaction.  I know when you want something done, like opening a bag because you want the inside contents or reading a particular book.  Or when you want to know what something is, you'll point to it and look at me with curious eyes.  I also know when I've misinterpreted your gestures, because you will continue to "explain" and "ah ah" at me until I get it right.  For example, you crawled over to me this morning with your boots and threw them into my lap.  So, I said, "yes EV, these are your shoes," and I laid them aside.  You looked at me as if wasn't listening to you, grabbed your boots and put them back in my lap.  So, again I said, "yes EV, these are your shoes, they go on your feet, where's EV's feet?"  You then gave a loud sigh (which you do often when you get frustrated or annoyed) and proceeded to grab the shoes and start patting them against your feet.  Then I had my "aha" moment, "ohhhhh, you want umma to put your shoes on right now!"  So, I put your shoes on, and you happily started standing, cruising, and playing.

Here you are happily taking your blocks in and out of the bucket with your shoes on in your pj's:

You also have a good understanding of verbal communication.  So often you try to say things to us but all we hear is "ahh ba ba bahhhh ma ai oh oh ba"but amazingly you speak gibberish with inflections and sometimes it even sounds like a question.  I cannot wait until we are able to sit and talk.  I want to know all that you are thinking, feeling, craving, seeing, experiencing.  I love you, beautiful!  Thanks for all the laughs and aha moments.

Cuddling, wrestling, and exploring

After a full week of being homebound and only interacting with momma and papa, you had a full day of running errands, hanging out at grandmomma and grandpapa's house, and seeing friends.  No wonder you were so exhausted today!  You have never been a shy baby.  You were very quiet and reserved as a newborn, but never shy.  On Halloween, when Weston was being offered a piece of candy, you would take it for yourself.  You like to touch people's faces (whether we know them or not) or approach people with curiosity.  When you see toys on the ground, you immediately want to play with them and you have no problems taking toys away from other kids, younger or older.  When you're in a new environment you like to explore, take things out, and touch everything!  So, here you are at grandmomma and grandpapa's house.  You haven't been there since you were 4 months old, so everything was new.  You were climbing under and over everything, making a mess, and exploring.

You have also been doing something fairly new.  You have started wrestling/cuddling with your stuffed animals, blankets, and pillows.  You first will throw yourself onto the the large soft object, then roll yourself onto your back, then bring it close to you to cuddle.  It's very sweet and fun to watch.  Here you are with Aunt Gina's favorite piggy.

I brought it home with us (with Aunt Gina's permission) and put it in your crib but thought it might freak you out if you get up at night and see a silhouette of a pig the same size as you right in your bed.  So, it's sitting in your room for you to play with in the morning.

Cabin fever

It's only been two days since we've been snowed in and we are all getting a little stir crazy.  I don't even know how I did it while I was on maternity leave.  I got a fair amount of work done today but it was hard, very very hard to concentrate.  EV has been teething now for as long as I can remember (always biting on everything, rubbing her gums, etc.) but you have shown no signs of cutting a tooth until now.  I always clean your gums with a wash cloth and this time I felt something sharp.  I can't see anything yet but I know it's coming.  EV you have been a bit out of sorts today, I don't know if it's because we're all getting a little stir crazy or if it's because you are drooling and your nose is runny; it could also be because we are torturing you by making you get inside papa's sweater and swaddling you like a newborn.  I think we are all ready to get back to our normal routine or at least get out of the house!

The look on EV's face here says it all:

Snow, snow, and more snow

It was a very pleasant surprise to wake up and find the front and backyard covered in several inches of snow.  Although I still worked from home today, I took a little break from work to get bundled up and take EV out into the snow.  What a blessed little girl!  She experienced a white Christmas (the first in Georgia since 1882!) and a mini snow blizzard.  Although I don't think she really enjoyed it much.  After breakfast we went over to the window to take a look at all the snow but you did not want to stand by the window by yourself.  You were shaking a little and unsure about all the white outside.

So, papa went outside to show you that it's not scary but fun.  After throwing a few snowballs at the window, it was obvious that you were not going to be convinced by having snowballs whirling your way.

So, after your morning nap, we layered you up into not two, not three, not four, but five layers of clothes and we headed outside.  Poor EV.  You were so bundled up that you could barely move.  When we put you down into the snow, you just fell onto your back and couldn't get up.  You had this look on your face that said it all, "momma, papa, I love you but get me back inside!!"  After getting some pictures, letting you touch and feel the snow, and stomping around in the snow, we quickly went back inside and sat in front of the heater fan.  You were very happy to back in your element.  It's okay, we'll be better prepared next year AND you'll be almost 2 which means, hopefully, you'll enjoy playing in the snow some more.

I love to eat

We are blessed with a child that loves to eat.  Although that should not be too surprising since both momma and papa love food.  EV, as a nine and a half month old, you have decided that you do not like any baby food (anything that is pureed or mushy).  You must eat what we eat.  For breakfast, we always gave your oatmeal and some kind of pureed fruit.  Now you like bagels, pancakes, and fruit (not mushed).  For lunch and dinner, we always gave you some pureed vegetable with fish/chicken/tofu and rice but now you have to eat it all whole.  So, you eat peas, broccoli, cauliflower, lima beans, carrots, sweet potato, black beans, green beans, and any other vegetable steamed but whole with your fish, chicken or tofu cooked and shredded, with your rice, cheese, or bread.  Nothing gets mashed and everything gets chewed, for the most part.  When you are content with the food we are giving you, you will moan with every bite that goes into your mouth and as you chew your food. It is quite endearing.  You also will not let us feed you with a spoon.  You must do it yourself.  You hold the spoon in one hand and try to scoop up the food with your other hand but none of the food gets into your mouth.  You are persistent but usually get frustrated due to your hunger and give up.  It's okay sweetheart, you can let momma and papa help you.  It's also fun going out to eat since you are such an adventurous eater.  You will try anything we give you and if you like it you cry out for more.  If you don't like it you will turn your head and will refuse to open your mouth again.  Grocery shopping is now lots of fun, too.  You are so curious to see all the different foods laid out in pretty little rows and see all the people with shopping carts full of stuff.  We all love trying all the samples they give and make faces at the stuff that doesn't taste so good.  Little one, you are well on your way to be a food enthusiast like your papa and momma.

Being Korean

Growing up I was always torn between my Korean heritage and American upbringing.  Being around my family in public, at times, embarrassed me.  They always seemed to shout really loud in Korean when speaking to each other, or clap as they laughed, or invaded the personal space of others.  My mom always tried to barter whenever she went shopping; she was under the impression that you could go to the mall and negotiate a discount by just arguing.  It also didn't help that I was one of the very few Asian kids in my elementary school at the time.  Then, as I got older I became more proud of my Korean heritage.  I didn't mind so much that I was different; that I could speak another language and that I often smelled like kimchi.

EV is blessed to have both sets of grandparents, although one set lives in Maryland, they are still very involved in her life (skype is a wonderful thing).  We wouldn't have it any other way.  GA grandma and her sister watched EV all day today and it's impressive how EV is able to interact with her and understand her even though grandma only speaks Korean.  EV, we want you to embrace your Korean heritage - the language, culture, food, and even mannerisms.  You are so blessed to have so many family members and friends that are willing and wanting to teach you and to ensure that you do not forget where your parents and grandparents come from.  I look forward to the day that we can all visit Korea as a family.

First day of school

As I was tossing and turning in bed, anxiously thinking about the first day of school for EV, it took me back to grade school.  That butterfly in the stomach, excited, nervous, scared feeling I would always get the night before the first day of school.  I had EV's clothes laid out, her supplies all ready to go, and her bag packed with extra clothes and bottles as the school checklist instructed.  Will EV like school?  Will she be able to get any sleep?  How will she interact with the other kids?  Question after question, thoughts and images were all flooding my head.  Sleep Shin, sleep!!

After finally falling asleep, I do not get much rest, I wake up early worried I might oversleep and get EV to school late (all my childhood anxieties about school are rushing back).

EV you had no idea where we were taking you but it didn't matter because you are the type of baby that can adjust to any situation.  When we got to school, you instantly wanted to be put down.  You made yourself at home and took over the room.  You went over to the shelves and started taking toys out, and the other kids followed.  You have been in this super independent mood where you do not want momma or papa to help with anything, so we let you explore.  The other kids want to play with the toys you're playing with, you do not let them.  We instruct you to share.  You move onto other toys.  As we get ready to leave, you do not even glance our way, we try to give you a hug and say good-bye, you are so engulfed in your surroundings, you do not even notice.

The day goes by pretty fast, I do call the school once to see how everything is going.  I'm told that everything is so far so good.  That was lunchtime.  After work, I drive as quickly as possible to go pick you up.  I get to the school and see you in a buggy full of kids.  You look dazed, confused, and tired.  Poor baby, you slept less than 40 mins all day.  You were probably thinking, "momma and papa have lost their minds, they left me here to play all day and not take a proper nap!"  You ate all your food, you behaved well, played well, and hopefully learned something today.  I wish you could talk and tell me all the little details about your day.  We get home and we both crash.  I think today might have been a little harder for me than it was for you.  First day of baby preschool--success!!

 

Home is where the heart is

As our real estate agent put the "for sale" sign on our yard and the lockbox on our door, it started becoming more of a reality.  We are selling our first home.  Well, technically it is our second house, but this is the house that became home after Jimmy and I got married.  Our first house was nice, but we never felt settled in, it was always a place we would go for rest and shelter but it was never home.  However, this house is where we got comfortable.  Where we imagined having children, a houseful of guests, a retreat from the world and then experiencing it better than we imagined.  We love this house, we love everything about it: the huge yard where we spent hours playing whiffle ball; the enclosed patio where we would watch superbowl games, eat crawfish on the floor, or carve pumpkins; the updated kitchen where we cooked huge Thanksgiving dinners, baked homemade goods for bridal showers, and made dumplings for new years; and more recently, the beautifully painted nursery where we've spent countless hours nursing, reading books, and rolling around laughing and playing peekaboo.  So, why sell a home you love so much?  Because I love my parents more.

This past year has been probably one of the toughest years for my parents since I was a child.  My mom's health has deteriorated, my parents lost both the stores, and they lost their house.  We offered for them to move into our home but they did not want to.  They did not want to lose their freedom and they did not want to encroach into our space.  I love our home but it does not fit my parents, so we are looking for a new home.  I am so thankful to hubby for being so patient, gracious, and willing to let my parents move in with us.  As we start looking for a new home, it has reminded me that no matter how much I love our home or get obsessed with finding the right home, ultimately, our true home is in Heaven.

Pictures of EV's beautiful mural:

Fresh start

I have tried to keep a journal for Evangeline since I was pregnant with her but I have been horrible at keeping it up since she's been born. I figured since I'm always on the computer, this has to be easier to keep updated. We'll see, I'm sure I'll update frequently at first and then less and less (that seems to be my trend).

I cannot believe that it is already the second day of a new year. EV you are now standing on your own for several seconds at a time (more than 10 less than 30), you are talking constantly, pointing to everything, and learning faster than I can teach. You can now stack two blocks but you are too eager to knock them down before you can stack anymore. When you are into something, you cannot be bothered. You love to eat and try new things. You are afraid of the roomba and anything else that moves on its own that's not human. You are ready to start the day at 6:00am but momma makes you wait until at least 6:30. You love meeting new people and you are not afraid to make new friends. You know how to clap, sign for milk, eat, and all done, and wave hello and goodbye. You say "appa" when you're happy and "umma" when you're upset. You are a ball of energy. You are always on the go and will not sit still or stop for anyone. Your favorite toy is a book and you love flipping through the same pages over and over again, pointing to the same objects again and again, until momma can't take it anymore and makes you move on to another book or toy. You never cry. You always smile. You are definitely a blessing from above and we are so blessed to be your parents.

As for myself, I have been sick all week and not feeling ready to get back into the grind starting tomorrow. Hubby will be at a retreat, EV will be starting preschool two days a week, grandma will be watching EV two days a week, and I will be a single momma for the week. Lord, please grant me the strength, patience, and endurance to juggle everything this coming week.